Big news out of Jerk headquarters as the staff condiment target position has finally been filled. Ernie Schlofko, a former ear plug model and self-appointed King of the Knuckle People (Berk County Times, May, 2004), has been brought on to replace the recently-killed Broslin Murkul and will be placed in the break room and have condiments tossed at him whenever is neccesary.
Schlofko is missing the top of his head, but it shouldn't be a problem since 73% of staff members are missing some part of their body, or missing a large part of their brain.
- Correspondent Paul Schlofko
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