William Bill: DEAD

William Bill, part-time Staff Snow Blower, part-time hated moron, has been attacked and subsequently murdered by a giant, fuzzy letter R that was passing by headquarters.

Bill (Dead)


Before the R had a chance to jog off and continue his day, staff correspondent Fritz Zonkway was able to get a statement:

"I saw Bill outside minding my business while relieving himself on a small cat and decided to murder him. I'll be on my way now."

The Giant, Fuzzy letter R is believed to be on his way to a pro-Pococcio rally being held at Capolo Hall later this afternoon.

- Staff Correspondent Fritz Zonkway