BREAKING: Philium Bill Missing

Philium Bill, recently hired as replacement as Staff Snow Blower to replace murdered William Bill, has gone missing. Believed to be overwhelmed by his new amount of responsibility, was seen nude and streaking into the forest behind HQ.

Bill (Missing)



Its believed that Philium may still be alive, existing on the feces of fellow Bills that escaped into the forest before him.

- Staff Correspondent W. Khotchke