June 4, 2010

Recent Hire Percy Plopsen is Convicted Child Molester

Percy Plopsen, recently hired by The Jerk, is a convicted child molester in over 50 countries around the globe, according to Staff Correspondent Typhoon Randolph.

"We don't care," responded Staff CEO Cotton Pompelio. "We didn't hire him to molest people. We hired him to do the damn laundry."

In a precautionary measure, Plopsen will not be allowed any youngsters at staff HQ.

- Staff Correspondent Beauregard Fimmons

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