Blompton Dead

Bob Blompton has been killed by a mob of staff members, according to DJ Knowledge, a DJ with knowledge of the situation.

"We were tired of his over-achieving, he was making all of us look bad," said Staff Pistachio Tommy Shane. "Blompton needed to go away, so we chopped him up and made him into an ice cream flavor. Calling it Chunky Blompton."

Blompton had hired four new staff members since being brought on as Staff Bob June 10. One of the new hires, Blompton assistant Goonf Gonfgin, participated in Wednesday's slaying.

"I didn't appreciate how he conducted the interview with me," said Gonfgin. "He had on a orange tie."