First Interview with New Staff President

Just hours after being named the new staff president, Squib Cotillion sat down with Hey Jerk for his first interview.


Hey Jerk: Congratulations on the new job.

Cotillion: Helping people sneeze isn't just a job, it's my life's passion.

HJ: No, the staff president job.

C: Oh, right, that job. Well, someone had to pick up the pieces of the former administration.

HJ: Could you go into a little more detail?

C: We literally had to pick up the pieces of the former administration: fingers, eyelashes, shoelaces. It was a dark day at Hey Jerk.

HJ: Not the blog's finest hour, was it?

C: No, I mean we couldn't find the light switch.

HJ: What are your plans for the blog now that you are president?

C: Weekly frowning classes; retreats into the woods, see if anyone gets eaten by anything; and we plan on hiring a few snowmen to keep K.S.C. off our backs.

HJ: K.S.C.?

C: Keeping Snowmen Cold.

HJ: I've never heard of that organization.

C: I made it up.

HJ: The latest financial reports were just released displaying what each staff member earns. Any thoughts?

C: We're paying a spider over $1 million a year and the back door lookout guy is working for free. That doesn't sound right to me.

HJ: What do you plan to do?

C: Get rid of the back door.

HJ: I'm sure readers are wondering about your background. Have you ever been president of a blog before?

C: Well, in the mid-1990s I worked in pool supplies and after that I was a freelance writer for excusemecouldyouremoveyourselffrommygrass.com and up until last November, I was editor-in-chief of thatsmysideburn.com. So, no.

HJ: I appreciate your time and good luck.

C: Thank you, now can you get off my lap?