Condiment Fight to Decide Staff Randy Mejito

Tuesday's election ended in a tie, so to break the stalemate the two candidates-Randy Mejito and Andy Mejito-will engage in a winner-take-all condiment fight.

Hey Jerk is on top of the coverage with our exclusive live blog.


6:20 p.m. - Referees meet with candidates to discuss rules and F.C.D. (full condiment disclosure).

Randy decides to go with spicy mustard, ketchup, his Dandy Randy's homemade barbecue sauce and his wild card salad dressing is thousand island.

Andy's choices: yellow mustard, mayonnaise and relish and his wild card salad dressing is italian.

6:24 p.m. - The battle begins with Randy getting a solid spicy mustard shot on Andy's left thigh. Andy returns the favor by tossing a bag of mayo that explodes on Randy's left foot, good for six points and the early lead.

6:26 p.m. - Randy caught with two slices of rye in his pocket. Two points deducted and he has to forfeit four ounces of thousand island.

Randy: "I was going to bring whole wheat, but I switched at the last minute."

6:31 p.m. - Randy mixes ketchup and barbecue sauce into a plastic to-go cup and tosses his trademark "Red Hammer". Andy thinks he can side-step the cup, but instead gets some on his shoelace. The shoelace contact gives Randy a 17-9 lead.

6:34 p.m. - Andy hit with an illegal use of duck sauce penalty.

6:36 p.m. - Feeling desperate, Andy breaks out the italian dressing hose, but the plan backfires when Randy blocks the incoming dressing with a garden salad. Randy up 93-36 and pulling away late in the first half.

6:40 p.m. - Andy gets two clumps of relish in Randy's left ear for a huge, 20-point swing. Approaching halftime with Randy up 73-56.

6:41 p.m. - An attempt by Randy to push Andy into a spicy mustard bath is unsuccessful with three seconds remaining. Randy ahead 76-58 at halftime.

Halftime recap:

* Referees looked at several angles of a replay and noticed a barbecue sauce stain on Andy's left shoulder. Extra point awarded to Randy.

* The Worcestershire Choir performed songs from their newest album There's Shallots in your Eye

* Randy's appeal to switch to ranch in the second half is denied

6:59 p.m. - Randy wastes no time in the third quarter, squirting ketchup on Andy's shirt to take a 91-60 lead.

7:03 p.m. - Randy falls in a relish trap and sprains his right ankle. Injury time out.

7:07 p.m. - Andy pulls the old mustard-sneeze trick and covers Randy for a seven-point hit. But continuing his feast or famine day, mustard water is found dripping down Andy's face and the points are taken away. That's two MWV's on the day for Andy.

Said Andy: "It's frustrating, you know? You spend so much time shaking the bottle, making sure the mustard water is gone and a little bit drips out and all your dreams drip out with it. I should've never dropped out of Fingernail/Knuckle School."

7:09 p.m. - The Andy Mejito Fan Club shows up towards the end of the third quarter in their salami head dresses.

Fan club president, Lenny Vinson: "We're here for Andy. And the plastic silverware door prizes."

7:12 p.m. - As time expires in the third, Randy executes a pirouette and somersault, dropping a bowl of thousand island on an unsuspecting Andy. Heading to the fourth quarter, Randy in control, up 146-100.

7:14 p.m. - Fourth quarter begins; Randy hit with an illegal use of tabasco sauce penalty point.

7:18 p.m. - Andy finally gets a direct hit with his Mayo Grenade and Randy's lead is sliced to 145-120.

7:20 p.m. - Randy has to use another time out after passing out from lettuce exhaustion. Andy takes advantage, coming out of the time out with a yellow mustard squirt on Randy's left ankle.

7:23 p.m. - Andy with another clutch move, luring Randy into the Den of Pastrami, then blasting him with a garbage can full of relish. Andy cuts the deficit to 145-140.

Randy: "I'm not worried. The kid's never been in this situation before. Staff spot on the line, low on mayo. Be interesting to see how he handles the final few minutes, or as we veterans like to call it The Spice Rack."

7:27 p.m. - Randy somehow throws his spicy mustard ball before it breaks apart. It catches a part of Andy's mustache, Andy mistakenly swallows the mustard clump (10-point infraction), and Randy takes a 180-165 lead with time running out.

7:32 p.m. - Roast beef found hidden in Andy's socks. He's stripped of his mayo hose and the staff position for Randy is all but sewn up.

7:34 p.m. - In a disturbing end to an eventful condiment fight, Andy tries to drown himself in the complimentary russian dressing pool. Referees stop the fight.

** Randy Mejito wins condiment fight, 202-160 and is officially named Staff Mejito. **