Staff Crugg Position Filled

Grover C. Crugg, the father of recently-fired Wallace and the grandfather of recently-assassinated Aaron, has been hired as the new staff Crugg. While he is against the upcoming marriage of his granddaugther, adopted Emily Fortence, Crugg is looking forward to the challenge of being the staff Crugg.

"I may only have one foot, but I could still kick your tookus," he said.


About Grover Crugg



Age: 165
Awards & Honors:

* Won "Best Drip" at the 1955 Nostrils
* Voted "Most Likely to Become a Veterinarian" in 1863 high school year book
* Expelled from veterinarian school for licking too many guinea pigs (May, 1865).

Life history:
December, 1901 - With former wife, Fortence, had first child
June, 1904 - Named child Wallace
August, 1912 - At all-you-can-eat salad bar, found guilty of lettuce evasion.
January, 1913 through May, 1931 - Away fighting in the 1st Many Cruggs War.
October, 1934 - Married traffic school sweetheart, Diane.
January, 1935 - Divorced
May, 1936 through November, 1948 - Away fighting in the 2nd Many Cruggs War. Comes home with four toe nails of honor and a turquoise fork for bravery.
February, 1951 - Bought second child, Vernon at a swap meet for $11.
March, 1951 - Traded Vernon for a postage stamp. Mailed subscription payment for Crugg Family Newsletter.
December, 1958 - During family Christmas party, brother Ernst climbs into washing machine and is never heard from again.
January, 1959-March, 1986 - whereabouts unknown
April, 1986 - Had left leg sawed off
July, 1986-November, 2009 - Plays Danny in the hit television show Growing up Foreheadless
January, 2010 - Disapproves of adopted granddaughter Emily's marriage to Mort Glenn, promising to "ruin the wedding in a horrific and gruesome way."