**BREAKING** Rico Yetz Offed

Riconovitch Yetz Sr., referred to a "The Blimp" by those close to him and those he has murdered, was found assassinated today under a tree in Xomcheese Grove.

Yetz (DEAD)

Initial findings indicate involvement by the Fwimpley Crime Family (FCF), as their trademark move, the "nose removal," was present. Dr. Yetz's remains had been released from the grasp of their murderous nose, Steve.

"Intial indication leads us to believe this is a textbook Fwimpley assassination. My bet is Treesack's prints are all over this crime scene." - Federal Investigator Warren Fu

Riconovitch Yetz Sr., or "Rico," was beloved by many for his lack of a torso and/or a forehead. He had made friends "on many planets," and was once referred to by President Lincoln as "hero of the earth."

The services for Mr. Yetz will be held in Herman Boomf's basement next Tuesday evening at 7 PM EST.

- Staff Idiot Roberto Feathers