Professor Johnathan "Murray" Oh has been hired for the position of part-time pecan, effective once the 43-year old former Japanese airplane glue model completes a dolphin physical.
Oh, a member of the famous Flying Oh family, who as elephantpeople migrated to the United States on bagels in 1933 and in 1938 saved Cincinnati from the Hmm family, is expected to take over the coveted pecan position from Stanley Plauss. Plauss passed away late Tuesday after he was rumored to have been eaten by a family of magpies.
Other hirings from February 11-12:
* Cassandra & Mort Higgums hired as staff salt and pepper shakers
* Sossy Sasso hired as wheat bread salesman Joe Jiggles
* Zimdorr-5 hired as taxi cab hubcap, driver's side back wheel division
The Society to Shave Mel Thompkins (SSMT) contributed to this report
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