After hearing about the mass suicide, by-goldfish injection, of thousands of his family members, Fwan "Poog" Cronin has launched the Save the Cronins Foundation.
The organization will be responsible for saving any Cronins that remain after the suicides and the accidental death of Arnie Cronin (Cronin overdose), though according to the family's historical society, the last Cronin besides Poog died in 2011.
"I'm willing to walk the ends of this earth, and many other earths, and on top of Ernie Earth, and to a Betty Earth and the Deodorants concert to solve the Cronin epidemic," said Fwan Cronin in a prepared statement. "I don't want to have to look at my children, Horace, who is scheduled to be born May 8, 2022, and Little Peebo, scheduled to be born May 11, 2022, and tell them there will be no Santa Cronin this year. It's time to bring back an influential family, just like we did with the Bernerfield's in the 70s.
Also, if anyone has seen Matthew Bernerfield, please contact me at the STCF main number. He owes me seven fire ants."
No comments:
Post a Comment