April 2, 2013

DURLY KILLED

Longtime hated a**hole and pig pirate enthusiast Darren Durly has been offed, according to officials from THRADD (The Human Race Against Darren Durly).

The following photo, stamped for authenticity, has been released.

Durly (DEAD)















Durly, who was spotted at his favorite mom 'n' pop joint, Xomcheese's, was immediately confronted by THRADD Treasurer Bill Petunia.

"I saw the man slicing into a squirrel sandwich on rye and confronted him immediately. He threw the squirrel (still living) into my face, screamed profanities in Russian, and began to fly away. Luckily, THRADD officers had the place 'cased' and we were able to put down Durly with one shot to the forehead. After he was confirmed listless, we beat him for over an hour to confirm he was no longer with us. All that's left is a bloody tooth and some Durly Dirt (trademark pending)."

The loss of Durly is being internationally celebrated, with second and third world countries alike naming today a national holiday.

The President of Uganda, Jim, stated "This day will be celebrated by our country for years to come. It is now a national holiday and all will be granted the day off of work for celebration."

Wally stated "Its about time. Durly was an a**hole."

Durly's brother, Daquan, is still on the loose and being hunted by the Durly Foundation, in addition to several other anti-Durly establishments.

- Staff Durly Correspondent Wob Wobbins

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