Letter from Paul Ploop

My half-Horace, Paultonious Ploop, was eaten by a grizzly bear last Thursday. A few of his belongings were found at the scene, including a letter Paul sent to the University of Yaycheeze. Here is the letter in full:

Ursula,

Given name by associate. Need schoolotomy. Wish to "become" consulage (sp?).

I have all rights to become. Just need degree - please send documentacition for signing and presidential acknowledgement.

Need soon (walrus)

Ta-pachio,

Paul

Other items found: Stevie Bly autographed thigh, pastrami/napkin sandwich.