10:14 p.m. HSST - Hey Jerk editor Aunt Estelle has been put on a three-month probation.
Estelle, who hasn't posted since her three-part series on the toothbrush overdose crisis at Crugg College in September, 2011, will be forced to eat a bucket of sawdust per week until her probation is lifted.
"To say we are disappointed would be an understatement," said Hey Jerk president P'Qwe'Shon Bly. "Hermanly, we're disappappointed."
Haboote Shershon, fresh off winning his sixth consecutive eyebrow-eating contest, will take over editing duties on an interim basis and will also have access to Estelle's 34th-floor scrambled egg dunk tank.
"Let the eggs begin!" yelled Shershon, while falling down a mayonnaise hill.
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