"I couldn't find him anywhere."
Unfortunately, the saga of Edwin Iglacio came to a stunning end today when he was found deceased in a local Piggly Wiggly parking lot.
Iglacio (DEAD)
According to early police reports, Iglacio fecaled at the sight of his death just moments before he was killed. The fecal has been taken in for forensic analysis.
Randolph was none too happy. He released a statement through his Japanese translation officer, Ed Johnson:
"Today, I lost the love of my life. The man who boiled my brussel sprouts. The man who emptied my loins on a nightly basis. The man who wiped my coolie. We enjoyed many sunsets together, and wanted to enjoy one more tomorrow evening. Now that won't happen. The rest of my life will be left with a void that no one can fill, except for Lawrence Fizbo."
Further details to come.
- Staff Iglacio Man Trevor the Rhino
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