January 4, 2012
Gary, Indiana - The Indianapolis Colts, coming off perhaps the best season in franchise history, called in "Gary" Wednesday evening. Bison players were shocked and appalled that the Colts refused to take the challenge seriously.
Kicker Lousso commented "You'd think after the great season they just finished, they'd want to lay it all on the line against a quality opponent like the Boise Bison."
Quarterback/Chinese Kurt Sherman quipped "Where's the toilet in this place? I need to drop the kids off at the pool and then sing the Canadian anthem."
Steven Christensen farted.
Halfback Skip Ruso failed to show for the event, citing "irreconcilable tuna fish sandwiches" with wideout Dead Karol.
Steven Christensen made in a Citgo near his home, the authorities were called, and is no longer with us.
P. Zyn, recently deceased and traded team cancer, made the trip despite no longer being on the squadron. He quickly complained about lack of commitment from his teammates and ran into the abyss.
A representative for the Colts, Dan Orlovsky, refused calls but did tweet the following: "The Bisons are losers and we refuse to play them. Its disrespectful to us, to our families, and to the people of Montana."
As a result of this forfeit win, the Bison temporarily moved to 5-2. However, the investigation into the Henderson Middle embarrassment has been released, and Henderson nose guard Harvey Fempitch was found to be an illegal participant (Walrus), which results in an automatic disqualification for the Flying Zebras. Statue 143.2a of the United Football Horace Assocation (UFHA) clearly states that illegal Walry is prohibited and will result in automatic disqualification.
When contacted, Fempitch simply stated "Gehhhh."
The Bison are now a surprising 6-1 heading into the showdown with the Mud People of Edgartown, Mercury two weeks from now.
- Staff Bison Man Rory Smunk
1 comment:
It's clear the Bison are benefiting from a soft schedule. They will get exposed in the playoffs.
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