The Bison conducted their first practice today in preparation for their highly anticipated upcoming campaign. Several players showed up nude, and only one player, Jon Scottsten, showed up with clothes on (anklesocks). Sherman and Ruso showed up with shirts and undergarmies on, but no pants.
Practice Report, by Player:
Ruso: Ran 3 laps around HJ Field, fell down to floor and plotz in underwear. Sent to showers to think about what he had done.
Sherman: Arrived "raring" to go, pantsless. Picked off a deep out intended for Zyn, then removed the rest of his clothing and ran off the field and into traffic screaming. Now missing.
Hu: Ate center Brad Kavack, had to visit restroom.
Christensen: Was caught on sideline playing with his little guy. When approached, became violent and attempted to rape Coach Russo.
L. Russo: Kicked extra point (successful)
Zyn: Ran a deep out with cigarette in mouth, fell over and complained about pass interference call. Lit another cigarette.
B. Kovacik: Blew wind repeatedly when snapping ball, recovered Russo fumble and ran into wrong endzone.
Scottsten: Yelled something about the economy and walked to the locker room.
Harnisch: Showed up completely clothed and picked off 17 Sherman passes before making on the 50 yd line and departing.
M. Kavack: 1 pancake block.
O'Dea: Attempted to start a new company that constructs paper-mache footballs and sells them to prison inmates mid-practice. Hit the showers 20 min early.
Dead Karol: DNP
- Staff Bison Man Warren Lump Jr.
No comments:
Post a Comment