***THIS NEWS IS BREAKING AND HAS BEEN CONFIRMED BY THOSE WITH KNOWLEDGE OF THE BISONS PRACTICE FACILITY***
Pat Zyn, WR and LB for the HJ Bison, was a no-show to practice today, which carries a 1 week no-cigarette punishment. 15 minutes after practice had begun, QB Kurt Sherman ran into the locker rooms screaming about the political climate in Russia. 3 seconds later, screams were heard coming from the depths of the facility. Upon further investigation, Sherman had located Zyn - nude in a trash can in Locker Room Beta. Zyn had 14 still burning cigarettes on his person and was mumbling something about "lack of dedication" on the Bison squadron. He was also found to be extremely intoxicated and needed 4 men to remove him from the trash can, as he screamed about "equality on this planet" and fought "for his rights."
The team has yet to decide what the punishment, other than the 1 week cigarette ban, will be.
Stay tuned for updates at The Jerk.
- Bison Lead Correspondent Warren Lump
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