Game 3 Recap: Poddy Valley at Bison

Date: November 30, 2011
Locale: Quebec, Ontario
Stadium: N/A - Played in local dump
Conditions: Raining Gary's
Attendance: 4

Recap

Quarter 1: Kurt Sherman, embattled QB and old-man enthusiast, returns fully clothed in anticipation of this matchup of unbeatens. After the Bison elect to receive, Sherman receives the ball 7 yds deep and begins sprinting down the far sideline. 12 seconds later, Sherman was at the Poddy Valley 3 yd line, where Poddy Valley Garbanzo Bean Victor Mooshay horse collars Sherman and drags him out of bounds, kicking him along the way. Sherman gets up, bloodied and having messed his underwear, and sprints back out to the huddle. 14 plays later, Hu eats defensive lineman Hugo Feathers of the Garbanzo Beans and stumbles into the endzone. 7-0 Bison as drive takes entire quarter. Sherman taken to locker room by trainers to address underwear situation.

Quarter 2: Beans go 7 and out on first drive, and Bison take over at the Beans 14 after a blocked punt by Patrick Zyn, who showed up before the game even though he is no longer a member of the team. On the following play, Sherman throws into the endzone to Zyn, who does the Zyn-o-rama shuffle in celebration. 9 seconds later officials notify Zyn that he is in the incorrect endzone and the score is tied up, 7-7. Zyn sprints around the field 4 times and then collapses. Medical reports not available at this time.

Halftime Recap

Steven Christensen lights himself on fire and runs through the halls of Bison Arena screaming about civil rights for abused rhinoceros.

Quarter 3: Poddy Valley receives and flanker/H-back K'Quell Pooha takes the kickoff back 97 yds for a score. A missed extra point leaves the deficit at 6 for the Bison, 13-7. Poddy Valley attempts the onside kick, which fails when Skip Ruso falls on it at the 50. On the very next play, Sherman runs the pitch to Ruso who rumbles 50 yds down the sideline and into the endzone. Ruso doesn't stop running and has not yet been located. 14-13, Bison.

Quarter 4: After stopping Poddy Valley on downs, the Bison receive the ball via fair catch at their own 2 yd line. Coach Hu calls for the 47-Potty Draw on 3, and Sherman hands the ball to Hu. Lineman Kovacik eats 4 lineman on the other team (deaths ensued) and Hu rumbles 97 yds for a score and a steak. Sherman begins his "Shermy-two-three" jig and is penalized 15 yds on the kickoff. 21-13, Bison. Bison attempt onside kick and succeed. After taking three knees, the game is over and another victory is in the books for the Bison. Sherman straps on his jetpack and takes off, stating he had a meeting to attend on Mars.

Notable Stats

Sherman: 17-93, 199 yds, TD, 27 INT
Ruso: 17 Carries, 144 yds, 14 lost fumbles, TD

Next Game: v. 11 Chubby Guys Named Jerry