Following the arrival of brother Al, Sal Delmonico has joined the Hey Jerk staff as Staff Olympic Hero. Delmonico, 44, claims to have participated in every Olympics since the first games in 1896 and will be seen around headquarters carrying around a miniature flag of the United States and mumbling.
Here's the transcript from Sal's first press conference:
"Back in the '76 games, I ran the 400 meters for the United States team. I finished 11th, but I had more heart and determination than a styrofoam cup full of bullfrogs. That was the thing about the US team-we competed. One guy, Vinnie Tiso, had no legs and a doberman ate one of his eyes during Olympic training, but he ran in the 1600 during the '52 games and won bronze. We were all Olympic heroes. In the '92 games in Barcelona, me and Tommy Fredericks did the bobsled and competed. They had a parade for me when I got home-dancing goldfish, barbecue sauce fights, Hotdog Calhoun was there, everybody showed up to support the Olympic heroes. After the '00 games, I lost my pants in the struggle, but I finished 8th, good enough to be on the Wheaties box with Carl Lewis. Carl Lewis called me an Olympic hero that day."
- Correspondent Maude Gallego
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