Valdez "Already dead when we found him."

Ernie Valdez, wanderer/hobo from the planet Aschermann, was found deceased this morning on the doorstep of Hey Jerk Headquarters.

"I was the first one in this morning," said Mel Hogglesby, "and I stumbled upon Mr. Valdez when entering the pin code to the front door."

Valdez (Dead)


After further investigation, Hogglesby fessed up.

"Okay, my statement wasnt entirely accurate. I saw Valdez here, picking his coolie and sniffing it this morning. I immediately murdered him, for the sake of bologna. Thought the world would be a better place."

At this time, Hogglesby is in the confines of the police holding cell while the investigation continues.

Stay tuned for updates.

- Woody Chotchke