Ossining Found Slain, Son Hired as Replacement

Barry Ossining, recently beginning to produce by providing a Barry Balloon, has been found murdered with a bloody note left on his rotting corpse. The note read as follows:

"Fimply Five, Stayin' Alive!"

Ossining (Dead)

While it is not known what this means, Hey Jerk staff was quick in hiring Ossinings replacement, Barry Ossining Jr. Ossining Jr. will immediately take over his late fathers role as Staff Barry.

Ossining Jr.

"I'm delighted that my father has died and I have been given this opportunity. I will not waste it, mark my words."

Please join us in welcoming Ossining Jr.

- Staff Correspondent Beauregard Fimmons