Drevontavian Durly has been hired as the new manager of the Durly's softball team.
A team roster for the upcoming 2013-2014 season will be announced soon.
Showing posts with label softball. Show all posts
Showing posts with label softball. Show all posts
September 13, 2013
Durly Hired
Drevontavian Durly has been hired as the new manager of the Durly's softball team.
A team roster for the upcoming 2013-2014 season will be announced soon.
November 6, 2012
Eugene "Hookah" Gonk Hired
Eugene Gonk, aka "Hookah" because of his love for everything jungle-related, has been hired on as new Staff Softball Manager.
Gonk
Gonk Bio
Name: Eugene Salvester Gonkinstein IV
DOB: 1-1-1944
Height: N/A
Weight: 4
Pants: yes
Partner: Eugene Fonk, MD
History: 2nd pick overall, 1945 MLB Draft, Cleveland Indians. Eaten by rabid mule, August, 1946. Re-animated September, 1955. Drafted 14th overall, 1955 MLB Draft, Cleveland Indians. Eaten by rhinoceros, November, 1956. Killed January, 1977. Elected President of the United States - 1990. Hobo - 1994-present
Gonk brings several years of coaching experience to the staff, with short stints as Alpharetta Meatballer's Co-Ed D manager and hot dog vendor - Ann Arbor, Michigan. He is faced with a roster that was ravaged by deaths last year, leaving only 3 players available:
P - Patt Zin
C- Kork Ashirminn
C - Skip Miso
The rest of the team was unfortunately either murdered, eaten, or transferred to our Australian affiliate.
Look for several roster announcements to be made in the coming days. The Hey Jerk Hyphenated Ballslingers are a proud franchise, and will accept nothing less than mediocrity.
- Beat Writer Chon Wheatley
Gonk
Name: Eugene Salvester Gonkinstein IV
DOB: 1-1-1944
Height: N/A
Weight: 4
Pants: yes
Partner: Eugene Fonk, MD
History: 2nd pick overall, 1945 MLB Draft, Cleveland Indians. Eaten by rabid mule, August, 1946. Re-animated September, 1955. Drafted 14th overall, 1955 MLB Draft, Cleveland Indians. Eaten by rhinoceros, November, 1956. Killed January, 1977. Elected President of the United States - 1990. Hobo - 1994-present
Gonk brings several years of coaching experience to the staff, with short stints as Alpharetta Meatballer's Co-Ed D manager and hot dog vendor - Ann Arbor, Michigan. He is faced with a roster that was ravaged by deaths last year, leaving only 3 players available:
P - Patt Zin
C- Kork Ashirminn
C - Skip Miso
The rest of the team was unfortunately either murdered, eaten, or transferred to our Australian affiliate.
Look for several roster announcements to be made in the coming days. The Hey Jerk Hyphenated Ballslingers are a proud franchise, and will accept nothing less than mediocrity.
- Beat Writer Chon Wheatley
October 16, 2011
Sunday cancellations
* Adult softball, H League: Capolo Valley at Team 4, Pete's Paints at Meatballers B Team - postponed, makeup date October 23
* Walnut fight at Xomcheese Fairgounds moved to 5:00 p.m.
* Paint Cans On Ice: matinees cancelled
* Walnut fight at Xomcheese Fairgounds moved to 5:00 p.m.
* Paint Cans On Ice: matinees cancelled
May 1, 2011
2011 HJSL Draft Underway
[1st round analysis by Capolo (odd #s) and Oscar Rainbow (even #s)]
1) Portland Poopies - Gottfried Slime - P, Portland Yardwork and Garage Repair. Slime was rumored to be dropping out of a lottery selection due to a poor performance at the combine (forgot to wear clothing and "made" on one of the stopclock operators.) Extreme talent was too much to pass up, however, as the memory of the 15 MPH outside slurve (1997 - Uruguay Games) won out in the end.
2) Murfreesboro Bandits - Vince Shermania - SS, Munch Valley Team 4. Shermania, the younger brother of famous potato murderer Sherman Shermania, led the 2006 Cholly League in outfield fall downs with 17, and hit .110 for the Pickles (2007). Once ate a stapler to impress a woman.
3) Atlanta Astronauts (via Manalapan Mongos) - Danny Devito, Bench Player, Harvard. Devito, who gave up his career in Poo to focus on the Softball scene, skyrocketed up draft boards in recent weeks after he batted in his underwear for his local softball squad and successfully ran out a dribbler to the mound.
4) Vince Valley Cheetahs - Bonnie Bunning - OF, Capolo Henderson Community College. Bunning was best-known for having her leg eaten by a bear during a 1998 game. Led the 2005 Zevvits North League in acorns thrown at umpire (34).
5) New York Wombats - Steven Christensen - P, Goolie and Goolie University for the Pancake Loving American. Christensen still holds the Rextum, VA record for most consecutive hit batsmen (14). Also once ate and opposing shortstop.
6) Charlotte - Mik Rouso - 2B, Team 4. Once hit a ball seven feet.
7) Ottawa Ottawians - Danny Devito - Bench Player, Harvard. Ottawa hedging on bet that Atlanta fails to sign Devito, looking for extreme value here at spot 7.
8) Gerk County Vipers - Pat Zin - OF, Team 4. Second player taken from the Panhandler's Row Team 4 from 2009. Zin led the '09 team in jogs back to the dugout and outfield cigarettes finished (44). Unknowingly wore his cup and jock strap outside of his pants during a game (May, 2007).
9) Conyers Owls - Kerk Ashermin - Utility, Team 4. Third player from the infamous league champion Team 4 infield to be taken, Ashermin was known for power to the pitcher and smoking cigarettes in between innings with his coolie.
10) Canton Lumberjacks - Mort Mejito - 3B, Sal's Hardware. Canton gambles with Mejito at No. 10 as most mock drafts showed the 48-year old dropping to the early part of the second round. Signability is an issue as Mejito said before the draft he "wouldn't sign for anything less than 11 envelopes."
11) Detroit Dingleberries - Sherman Irwin Shermania - 1B, Crugg School of Politics. Shermania, once widely considered a shoe-in for the first overall selection, dropped due to insanity concerns after he lit an opposing catcher on fire after striking out several weeks ago. While the catcher has since perished, Shermania was deemed too valuable to let fall any further.
12) Vancouver Pisos - Bog Piso - C, Feathers College. Vancouver takes one of its own as Bog comes north of the tomato to play for his grandfather's franchise. Piso was all-swamp in 2003 and 2005, leading Team Purple to a pair of league titles before starring at Feathers College under legendary coach, zebra. He once ate an entire box of tissues to win a bet.
13) Montreal Indians - Pedro Cerrano - OF, Christensen University. Cerrano, after a career in Major League Baseball flamed out, set himself on fire and ran over the border into Mexico. He has since been put out, and is looking to resurrect his career at age 66.
14) Bangor Muskrats - Inoki - P, Yomiuri Oxen. Inoki is the first Japanese-born player to be drafted into the Hey Jerk Softball League after a 34-year career in the Far East. In 1998 was elected to the Pigeon Sympathizer Hall of Fame. In 2008, led the Oxen with 47 singles.
15) Moscow - John Candy - CF, Deluise Culinary School. Candy, deceased for some 10 odd years, decides to throw his name in the draft to see if he "still has it." Moscow takes the bait, hopes Candy can perform adequately in a deep center field at Communism Field.
16) ** Pick vacated by Harrisburg Tigers after HJSL officials discovered in the Harrisburg clubhouse rampant use of performance-enhancing penguins **
17) Ottawa Ottawians (via Cleveland) - Danny Devito - Bench Player, Harvard. Ottawa gives up 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th round picks to Cleveland to move up to 17 and select Danny Devito, afraid negotiations after pick 7 will go awry.
18) Walrus (via Washington) - Exasperation Thomas, 1B, Hoilioke. Thomas led her 2005, 2006 and 2008 teams in infield fall downs (average of 36/year), and once chewed on a teammate's ear for a Finn County-record eight minutes.
1) Portland Poopies - Gottfried Slime - P, Portland Yardwork and Garage Repair. Slime was rumored to be dropping out of a lottery selection due to a poor performance at the combine (forgot to wear clothing and "made" on one of the stopclock operators.) Extreme talent was too much to pass up, however, as the memory of the 15 MPH outside slurve (1997 - Uruguay Games) won out in the end.
2) Murfreesboro Bandits - Vince Shermania - SS, Munch Valley Team 4. Shermania, the younger brother of famous potato murderer Sherman Shermania, led the 2006 Cholly League in outfield fall downs with 17, and hit .110 for the Pickles (2007). Once ate a stapler to impress a woman.
3) Atlanta Astronauts (via Manalapan Mongos) - Danny Devito, Bench Player, Harvard. Devito, who gave up his career in Poo to focus on the Softball scene, skyrocketed up draft boards in recent weeks after he batted in his underwear for his local softball squad and successfully ran out a dribbler to the mound.
4) Vince Valley Cheetahs - Bonnie Bunning - OF, Capolo Henderson Community College. Bunning was best-known for having her leg eaten by a bear during a 1998 game. Led the 2005 Zevvits North League in acorns thrown at umpire (34).
5) New York Wombats - Steven Christensen - P, Goolie and Goolie University for the Pancake Loving American. Christensen still holds the Rextum, VA record for most consecutive hit batsmen (14). Also once ate and opposing shortstop.
6) Charlotte - Mik Rouso - 2B, Team 4. Once hit a ball seven feet.
7) Ottawa Ottawians - Danny Devito - Bench Player, Harvard. Ottawa hedging on bet that Atlanta fails to sign Devito, looking for extreme value here at spot 7.
8) Gerk County Vipers - Pat Zin - OF, Team 4. Second player taken from the Panhandler's Row Team 4 from 2009. Zin led the '09 team in jogs back to the dugout and outfield cigarettes finished (44). Unknowingly wore his cup and jock strap outside of his pants during a game (May, 2007).
9) Conyers Owls - Kerk Ashermin - Utility, Team 4. Third player from the infamous league champion Team 4 infield to be taken, Ashermin was known for power to the pitcher and smoking cigarettes in between innings with his coolie.
10) Canton Lumberjacks - Mort Mejito - 3B, Sal's Hardware. Canton gambles with Mejito at No. 10 as most mock drafts showed the 48-year old dropping to the early part of the second round. Signability is an issue as Mejito said before the draft he "wouldn't sign for anything less than 11 envelopes."
11) Detroit Dingleberries - Sherman Irwin Shermania - 1B, Crugg School of Politics. Shermania, once widely considered a shoe-in for the first overall selection, dropped due to insanity concerns after he lit an opposing catcher on fire after striking out several weeks ago. While the catcher has since perished, Shermania was deemed too valuable to let fall any further.
12) Vancouver Pisos - Bog Piso - C, Feathers College. Vancouver takes one of its own as Bog comes north of the tomato to play for his grandfather's franchise. Piso was all-swamp in 2003 and 2005, leading Team Purple to a pair of league titles before starring at Feathers College under legendary coach, zebra. He once ate an entire box of tissues to win a bet.
13) Montreal Indians - Pedro Cerrano - OF, Christensen University. Cerrano, after a career in Major League Baseball flamed out, set himself on fire and ran over the border into Mexico. He has since been put out, and is looking to resurrect his career at age 66.
14) Bangor Muskrats - Inoki - P, Yomiuri Oxen. Inoki is the first Japanese-born player to be drafted into the Hey Jerk Softball League after a 34-year career in the Far East. In 1998 was elected to the Pigeon Sympathizer Hall of Fame. In 2008, led the Oxen with 47 singles.
15) Moscow - John Candy - CF, Deluise Culinary School. Candy, deceased for some 10 odd years, decides to throw his name in the draft to see if he "still has it." Moscow takes the bait, hopes Candy can perform adequately in a deep center field at Communism Field.
16) ** Pick vacated by Harrisburg Tigers after HJSL officials discovered in the Harrisburg clubhouse rampant use of performance-enhancing penguins **
17) Ottawa Ottawians (via Cleveland) - Danny Devito - Bench Player, Harvard. Ottawa gives up 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th round picks to Cleveland to move up to 17 and select Danny Devito, afraid negotiations after pick 7 will go awry.
18) Walrus (via Washington) - Exasperation Thomas, 1B, Hoilioke. Thomas led her 2005, 2006 and 2008 teams in infield fall downs (average of 36/year), and once chewed on a teammate's ear for a Finn County-record eight minutes.
April 26, 2011
March 30, 2011
Wednesday cancellations
Softball
* Doid Yolf @ Team Blue - rescheduled for April 3, 7:00 p.m.
* Max & Son Hardware @ Henderson Bakery - no makeup date announced
Meetings
* Remaining Kevins Together - rescheduled for April 17
* Coolies On Ice cast meeting - moved to Friday at 2:00 p.m.
* Doid Yolf @ Team Blue - rescheduled for April 3, 7:00 p.m.
* Max & Son Hardware @ Henderson Bakery - no makeup date announced
Meetings
* Remaining Kevins Together - rescheduled for April 17
* Coolies On Ice cast meeting - moved to Friday at 2:00 p.m.
September 18, 2010
Saturday Cancellations
Softball: Nickprio's Pizza vs. Team 11
Apricot Fight: Moved to October 3
Napkin Fest 2010: Postponed
Apricot Fight: Moved to October 3
Napkin Fest 2010: Postponed
July 7, 2010
Jerk Names Poopette as Game One Starter
In anticipation of its first softball game, Hey Jerk has announced Ladondae Poopette will start the season opener. Poopette, an 8-6, 410-pound right-hander, went 2-14 with a 10.37 ERA for the 2009 Doos, a Qwekinger County team in the Independent FeCal League.
"I'm honored to play for the Jerk softball team. I just hope they can actually put a schedule together and find a field to play on," said Poopette.
Poopette
Staff Hobo Chuck Frozengard, already on probation after a Monday incident with an earthworm, will slide into the No. 2 spot in the rotation. His comments before Wednesday's morning practice suggested a rift between the 42-year old and management.
"I was supposed to be the opening day starter," Frozengard said. "I think it's an insult that this Poopette youngster just signs a seven-potato contract and gets my spot in the rotation. They'll hear from my lawyer, Bobby, the canary that lives in my shoe."
"I'm honored to play for the Jerk softball team. I just hope they can actually put a schedule together and find a field to play on," said Poopette.
Poopette
Staff Hobo Chuck Frozengard, already on probation after a Monday incident with an earthworm, will slide into the No. 2 spot in the rotation. His comments before Wednesday's morning practice suggested a rift between the 42-year old and management.
"I was supposed to be the opening day starter," Frozengard said. "I think it's an insult that this Poopette youngster just signs a seven-potato contract and gets my spot in the rotation. They'll hear from my lawyer, Bobby, the canary that lives in my shoe."
June 6, 2010
Mondesi Traded to Rival Blog
In a shocking development, Hey Jerk traded Raul Mondesi to the Meatballers softball team, for Brad Kovacik, Steven Christensen and a taco to be named Charlie later. Mondesi, who was in his second tour of duty with the Jerk as Staff Raul Mondesi, is expected to hit in the 12-hole for the Meatballers.
Mondesi
Kovacik's career has been on a steady decline since the 39-year old was found with a possum in his pants during a June, 2007 game. He led the 2008 Meatballers in fall downs (17) and tinkle (1.3 gallons).
"We made the move to get rid of Mondesi and see if we can get anything out of the Christensen youngster," said Hey Jerk softball general manager Paul Plopsen. "To be honest, we're probably going to give Kovacik the wrong address for the field. We don't like his look or his track record."
Kovacik
Christensen, who in 2009 led the Alpharetta D League in farts per game (8.3), was becoming a clubhouse problem, according to Meatballers manager Mick Rooso.
Christensen
"He was becoming a clubhouse problem," said Rooso. "Plus, we've caught him on a number of occasions eating bar soap while on the mound. The kid's headed down the wrong path and we as an organization don't want to be on that path when he gets there."
Mondesi
Kovacik's career has been on a steady decline since the 39-year old was found with a possum in his pants during a June, 2007 game. He led the 2008 Meatballers in fall downs (17) and tinkle (1.3 gallons).
"We made the move to get rid of Mondesi and see if we can get anything out of the Christensen youngster," said Hey Jerk softball general manager Paul Plopsen. "To be honest, we're probably going to give Kovacik the wrong address for the field. We don't like his look or his track record."
Kovacik
Christensen, who in 2009 led the Alpharetta D League in farts per game (8.3), was becoming a clubhouse problem, according to Meatballers manager Mick Rooso.
Christensen
"He was becoming a clubhouse problem," said Rooso. "Plus, we've caught him on a number of occasions eating bar soap while on the mound. The kid's headed down the wrong path and we as an organization don't want to be on that path when he gets there."
May 22, 2010
Rival Manager, Pock, Slain
"I did it," said Pal Fimply.
Pock (Dead)
- Staff Pock Correspondent Willy Wonka
Pock (Dead)
- Staff Pock Correspondent Willy Wonka
May 20, 2010
Report: Rainbow Withdraws from Race
A Hey Jerk source has confirmed staff editor Oscar Rainbow has withdrawn from the upcoming election, citing missing toothpicks as the reason.
Rainbow will continue with his editor duties, as well as his managerial stint with the blog softball team.
Rainbow will continue with his editor duties, as well as his managerial stint with the blog softball team.
Hey Jerk Softball Lineup Announced
Hey Jerk Pepanos
2010 squad
Manager
Oscar Rainbow
Career record: 14-83
Moment of shame: Ejected from April, 2008 game for home plate unearthing/theft.
Coaching staff
Capolo
.jpg)
1st-base coach/restroom attendant
Playing career: Hit .117 for Class M Qwekinger Diablos of Rivervalley League (1982)
Ed Xomcheese
Third-base coach
Playing career: Ate 11 hot dogs during seventh stretch of 2003 game against Oridea Technical Institute.
Buck Crugg-Fonchonski
Pitching coach
Pitching philosophy: "Throw soft and carry a lot of envelopes"
Starting lineup
1. Jose Lind, SS
2. Michael Ian Bower, 1B
3. Pal Fimply, 2B
4. Fat Neck Glenn, DH
5. Pauool Paulfield, LF
6. Nadine Wexley, RF
7. Chon Zavier, 3B
8. Settle Roundhead, CF
9. Trevor Travis, C
SP Chuck Frozengard
First game is scheduled for June 2 against fonchonski.blogspot.com at Queh Field
2010 squad
Manager
Oscar Rainbow
Career record: 14-83
Moment of shame: Ejected from April, 2008 game for home plate unearthing/theft.
Coaching staff
Capolo
.jpg)
1st-base coach/restroom attendant
Playing career: Hit .117 for Class M Qwekinger Diablos of Rivervalley League (1982)
Ed Xomcheese
Third-base coach
Playing career: Ate 11 hot dogs during seventh stretch of 2003 game against Oridea Technical Institute.
Buck Crugg-Fonchonski
Pitching coach
Pitching philosophy: "Throw soft and carry a lot of envelopes"
Starting lineup
1. Jose Lind, SS
2. Michael Ian Bower, 1B
3. Pal Fimply, 2B
4. Fat Neck Glenn, DH
5. Pauool Paulfield, LF
6. Nadine Wexley, RF
7. Chon Zavier, 3B
8. Settle Roundhead, CF
9. Trevor Travis, C
SP Chuck Frozengard
First game is scheduled for June 2 against fonchonski.blogspot.com at Queh Field
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