President Hu Commits Walrus Murder

Barry McWalrus, longtime HJ Fisherman and antelope hunter, has been murdered.

Hu (taken post murder)

Hu, who is believed to be a 14 handicap golfer, ate Barry in front of a stunned crowd at Sanchules Field earlier today. He stopped after gnawing off Barry's left leg, then after a brief delay continued until there was nothing left of Mr. McWalrus.

As has become Hu tradition, Mr. Hu then passed wind at the crowd, and screamed "Freedom!" at the top of his lungs. A small piece of the walrus's left hand was excreted during the wind passing, ending little Benny Frump's battle.

- Hu Correspondent Elephant Rainbow

President Hu Eats Derner: Report

President Hu has continued to make his presence well known, as today he dug up the remains of former Staff Biologist Miles Derner and consumed them. Derner's tomb at Capolo Graveyard will remain empty.

Hu

Hu digested the remains, and later "deposited" them on top of Oscar Rainbow's 4th floor cubicle. The remains of Derner's remains will remain available for viewing until 5 PM GST.

- Hu correspondent Fat Neck Glenn

Hu Makes Obscene Gesture From Glenn's Office

John Hu, who recently attacked and captured Fat Neck Glenn's office atop HQ, has made an obscene gesture.

Hu

Hu called all of his new Jerk "servants" to the courtyard, and revealed his rear end to them from the balcony outside Dr. Glenn's office. While doing so, Hu performed his patented "Hu-Poo" routine, during which he shoots wet doo out of his anus at a speed just north of 100 MPH. He soaked the crowd and then left, the damage done.

"A bit nutty, actually" remarked young Edgardo Ploop.

Old Man Buzzard lost his battle during the incident.

- Hu correspondent Fat Neck Glenn

Hu Maintains Possession of HQ; Minkus Plans Counterattack

The evil John Hu, who recently invaded Jerk HQ while killing over 400 innocent civilians (including little Randall Moo), has taken over HQ and released a new photo and statement through his advisor, Francois Crugg.

Hu

"I have invaded. I have eaten Bill Schroeder, and have made in Minkus's private facility. The reign of the Jerk is over, expect Hu world domination to follow. Over and out - Hu"

In response to this statement, Fat Neck Glenn Minkus had no response from his secret dungeon location deep inside Rainbow Forest. Expect a counterattack in the coming days.

- Staff Hu Man Warren Lump

BREAKING: HU ATTACK, HQ EVACUATED

John Hu has attacked.

Keeping with his word, Hu attacked HQ early this morning, killing just north of 400 innocent civilians (little Barry Foo Jr. lost his life in the struggle) and eating 14 walri during the "disaster."

Hu (Photo taken by Eli Bly earlier this morning)

As a result of this unprovoked attack, HQ has been evacuated until President Minkus can offer further direction. Stay tuned for updates on Hu and his reign of "Hu-dom."

- Staff Hu Man Warren Lump