Derner Eaten, Hu Reinstated

Hu Returns!

Miles Derner (Deceased) was found eaten by a mule yesterday evening. As such, he has been named Staff Deceased President.

Derner (Eaten)

Taking his place will be former and new President Hu, who vows to "make changes" around here after the failure of the Derner regime (Brontosaurus).

Hu

"I'm back, and I'm making changes. First one: my diaper. All Hail President Hu!" - Hu

Please welcome President Hu at his viewing in the 1144th floor west end gymnasium, where he will be shooting layups until 6 PM EST.

- Staff Contributor Bob

Special event

Miles Derner autographed ketchup packet auction

October 30 from 7:00 p.m. until 10:00 p.m.
Fonchonski Apartment Complex & Applesauce Pits

President Hu Eats Derner: Report

President Hu has continued to make his presence well known, as today he dug up the remains of former Staff Biologist Miles Derner and consumed them. Derner's tomb at Capolo Graveyard will remain empty.

Hu

Hu digested the remains, and later "deposited" them on top of Oscar Rainbow's 4th floor cubicle. The remains of Derner's remains will remain available for viewing until 5 PM GST.

- Hu correspondent Fat Neck Glenn