Glenn Put On Probation

Pip Glenn, son and co-assistant to staff leader Fat Neck Glenn, has been put on probation effective as soon as the results from a nostril depth test are returned to headquarters. The probation will not affect Glenn's role in the recently-released film Glenn Under Siege: The Shmoof Lintardo Mutiny Story, and he'll remain as driver/celery man on the Glennwagon.

New Glenn Hired

Pip Glenn has been hired as co-assistant to the Glenn. The 22-year old son of blog leader Fat Neck was brought to headquarters by Glennwagon Wednesday afternoon, equipped with lime gun and potato helmet.

More details to follow.

Remaining Glenns Perish

After Vincenzo Pepano's mass killings of the heads of the Crugg family, early Sunday morning, the Glenn clan could finally put a stranglehold on the Hey Jerk underground avocado industry. Unfortunately, the Glenns perished when their Glennwagon exploded in mid-air just a few minutes ago, killing the heads of the avocado syndicate-Fat Neck, Abner and Petey.

Here's a photo of the Glenns boarding the Glennwagon, the first of its kind, at 8:58 p.m.



According to Hey Jerk crash correspondent Aubrey Sanchules, the crash happened at approximately 9:49 p.m. No word on whether the remaining Cruggs, Ulysses or Poseidon, had anything to do with the crash, though they did release a statement through lawyer C. Vanderells Bwon.

"Let's keep this between you and me, but they may have replaced the gasoline with soy sauce," said Bwon. "And fired several rounds of ammunition at the wagon's fuel tank shortly after take-off."

New Hey Jerk HQ Falls Down

Died:

- Staff salamander, Ronvo
- Janitor, Eggs McCafferty

Survived:

- Fat Neck Glenn
- Glennwagon


* Staff meeting still scheduled for February 8 at 1:00 p.m. in the conference room.