Sad news from GaHarry Land as Vertnin GaHarry, believed to be the last of the more-than 7,000 GaHarrys, has succumbed to a tissue overdose in his hometown of Russoport.
Vertnin was responsible for the Peanut Butter Helmet Uprisings of 2006, as well as a wheelbarrow crash in 2010 that injured several dandelions.
Funeral services scheduled for August 6 have been canceled due to lack of Ronald Sanderson.
"Ronald won't be able to make it."
- Ronald Sanderson's lawyer, turnip
- Plumptin Valley Times Staff Writer Thomas D. Buck
Showing posts with label Gaharry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gaharry. Show all posts
August 2, 2011
March 22, 2011
February 22, 2011
McKenna Claims GaHarry Death
Emmitt McKenna, local poo-head (the McKenna family has poo for hair), has claimed responsibility for the recent slaying of self-appointed Staff Mogul and Glenn Assassin, Gary GaHarry.
McKenna
McKenna, who has flies surrounding his head (as do all McKennas) due to his doody hair, also appointed himself Staff Dictator, taking over for the 36 hour reign of Gary GaHarry. McKenna is planning on moving HQ to Rainbow Mountain.
Stay tuned for more updates from The Jerk with the first changes made by the McKenna administration.
McKenna
McKenna, who has flies surrounding his head (as do all McKennas) due to his doody hair, also appointed himself Staff Dictator, taking over for the 36 hour reign of Gary GaHarry. McKenna is planning on moving HQ to Rainbow Mountain.
Stay tuned for more updates from The Jerk with the first changes made by the McKenna administration.
February 20, 2011
BREAKING: GLENN DEAD
In shocking, horrific news, it is currently being reported that staff founder and president Fat Neck Glenn Minkus has been found dead this evening, as of 10:14 GST. Local reporter Woodford Chotchke was roaming the streets around HQ, naked, and spotted Glenn crumpled into a ball in a nearby sewage drain.
Glenn (DEAD)
"As I walked by, farting, I noticed a brown, wet piece of crumpled paper in the sewer. I looked down and heard whispering. Soon enough I realized this to be the great Rodney "Fat Neck" Glenn Minkus, who was saying "The GaHorry's won't get away with this...." with his last breath on this Earth."
This shocking revalation was not without more suprise, however, as new, self-appointed Staff Ruler Gary GaHorry quickly admitted to the assassination, claiming supremacy over The Jerk.
Gahorry (Staff Leader)
GaHorry, speaking through his secretary Gary Appleseed GaHorry Jr., had the following to say:
"I am now the leader here at The Jerk. Things will change now. No longer will the Glenns rule with a cardboard fist. The GaHorry reign will be painful, deadly, and full of odor."
As the reality of this shock settles in, The Jerk will continue to have around the clock coverage of the events as they unfold.
- Jetpack Jones
Glenn (DEAD)
"As I walked by, farting, I noticed a brown, wet piece of crumpled paper in the sewer. I looked down and heard whispering. Soon enough I realized this to be the great Rodney "Fat Neck" Glenn Minkus, who was saying "The GaHorry's won't get away with this...." with his last breath on this Earth."
This shocking revalation was not without more suprise, however, as new, self-appointed Staff Ruler Gary GaHorry quickly admitted to the assassination, claiming supremacy over The Jerk.
Gahorry (Staff Leader)
GaHorry, speaking through his secretary Gary Appleseed GaHorry Jr., had the following to say:
"I am now the leader here at The Jerk. Things will change now. No longer will the Glenns rule with a cardboard fist. The GaHorry reign will be painful, deadly, and full of odor."
As the reality of this shock settles in, The Jerk will continue to have around the clock coverage of the events as they unfold.
- Jetpack Jones
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