Chuckup hired

Jerk officials, in accordance with the Charlie Statute of 1938, have announced the hiring of Charles "Charlie" Chuckup as staff ear hair.

Chuckup had spent the last five years of his life in federal prison for impersonating Capolo Henderson while wearing a walrus costume, a felony in the state of Ohio. But he's promised several men named Harry that he has changed and he's ready to contribute to society.

"I've changed and I'm ready to contribute to society," Chuckup said.

"I just got here, what did I miss?" asked Harry Bly.

Leonard Yoggy was also hired as staff peanut shell, effective December, 1989.

Ballspeed: Hired

Richardson (Ricky) "Moondance" Ballspeed has been hired, according to Staff Moron Oscar Rainbow. Ballspeed is set to take on the role of Staff Ballspeed - chiefly responsible for recruiting or executing more Ballspeeds.

Moondance


Ballspeed, commonly mistaken for a coffee-pot with legs, has "had enough with the almond situation" around HQ, and will look to immediately recruit more Ballspeeds to deal with that and other "issues that need to be taken care of" around the office.

Ballspeed is famous for his cover photo on the Walnut Times (September, 1967), which he received for being voted the "Man of the Millennium - 1000 - 2000 A.D."

- Staff Walrus Fimby Fu