Breaking news from Hey Jerk headquarters as Boris Woolitz, former translator for the Puppitch family and vice president of the Venning County chapter of the Danny Devito Fan Club, has gone missing. We'll stay with this story as long as the refrigerator remains stocked with dandelions.
- Correspondent Maurice Ruso
Showing posts with label danny devito fan club. Show all posts
Showing posts with label danny devito fan club. Show all posts
September 20, 2011
August 31, 2011
Danny Devito Fan Club Letter
Dear Mr. Devito,
I just had my 500th viewing of Throw Momma from the Train (a new Woodland Trace apartment complex record, according to "Dale", who lives in the woods), and I had a very clear vision during the laundromat scene. I would like you to consider legally changing your name to Owen Lift. Now, don't get me wrong: you're a perfect Danny Devito; maybe the most perfect Danny Devito who ever lived. But you would be a perfect Owen Lift, too. Think about how much fun it is to say 'Owen'. And think of the perks: Owens Anonymous? Automatic entry. You could be mayor of Owentown (population: you and three other guys named Owen) by 2013. The first Owen Lift™-brand elevator? You'd take the maiden voyage. It's the opportunity all Owens/Dannys have been waiting for since the War of Many Owens ended in the early-70s. But don't just take my word for it. Let's see what Randy has to say:
"I told you I didn't want to be interviewed."
- Randy
Danny has already lived a thousand lifetimes. It's time to give Owen the Danny Devito of a lifetime.
Thank you for your time.
Until then,
Robert Feathers, DDFC member #3,458,996
I just had my 500th viewing of Throw Momma from the Train (a new Woodland Trace apartment complex record, according to "Dale", who lives in the woods), and I had a very clear vision during the laundromat scene. I would like you to consider legally changing your name to Owen Lift. Now, don't get me wrong: you're a perfect Danny Devito; maybe the most perfect Danny Devito who ever lived. But you would be a perfect Owen Lift, too. Think about how much fun it is to say 'Owen'. And think of the perks: Owens Anonymous? Automatic entry. You could be mayor of Owentown (population: you and three other guys named Owen) by 2013. The first Owen Lift™-brand elevator? You'd take the maiden voyage. It's the opportunity all Owens/Dannys have been waiting for since the War of Many Owens ended in the early-70s. But don't just take my word for it. Let's see what Randy has to say:
"I told you I didn't want to be interviewed."
- Randy
Danny has already lived a thousand lifetimes. It's time to give Owen the Danny Devito of a lifetime.
Thank you for your time.
Until then,
Robert Feathers, DDFC member #3,458,996
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