The Ronaldos Announce "Universe Tour"

The Ronaldos



Ber Ronaldo - vocals, rhythm guitar, corn on the cob
Wikkits Ronaldo - drums, spatula, background vocals


2011 Tour

October 21 - Mud Pit, Capolotown
October 22 - above-ground pool, Paul's Pools-aisle 7
October 26 - Pluto
November 2 - The Tinkle, Feathers Village
November 4 - over there somewhere
November 9 - Highway 19, Exit 6 off-ramp
November 14 - Mustards, Mejitoville
November 15 - The Smiling Racoon, Ulandis City
November 23 - Balbonis, Cooper Valley
November 30 - the bed of Vince Paddock's truck
December 4 - Pisos, Pisotown
December 7 - Runway 11, Feathers International Airport
December 23 - North Pole
December 31 - Poopys, Sandwichville

Balboni Returns

Staff Steve Balboni Steve Balboni, last seen in early May falling off the roof of HQ, wandered back to HQ this morning, completely naked.

Balboni



Balboni, known around HQ for his monsterous doodies and missing underwear, was not welcomed back into HQ. Instead, he was thrown into the dungeon with Chuck Frozengard, who escaped assassination this AM when he flung fecal at the guardsmen, permanently blinding him.

Balboni and Christensen have since fornicated, resulting in a Frozengard pregnancy. Please check back in the coming days for updates on the coming child.

- Staff Balboni man Warren Lump

Balboni Hired

With the recent Balboni uprising at blogs like Fonchonski and Capolo's Armpits Smell Awful, Hey Jerk officials acted quickly in hiring Dominic Balboni as Staff Balboni. The 44-year old beat out several Balbonis for the gig, including Steven "Porkchop" Balboni, Anthony "Mush Ears" Balboni and Tim Davidson.

Dominic, who goes by "Dom" when he's wearing two or more pairs of pants, will begin immediately, recruiting other Balbonis to build a Balboni Army for the upcoming Sandpaper War.