Staff President Hu Killed

Staff President Wesley Hu Jr. has been found dead in his office on 21 Fonkle Street.

Hu (DEAD)

Suprisingly, when removing Mr. Hu's remains, detectives located Oscar Rainbow, who had apparently been living under Mr. Hu's bear rug for just north of 10 years.

Rainbow (LOCATED)

Upon being found, Mr. Rainbow declared himself new Staff President.

Rainbow (Staff President)

As he was the individual who located Hu's desecrated remains, naturally, Bo Hunes has been appointed Staff Police Officer by President Rainbow, effective last July.

Bo Hunes (Staff Police Officer)

Hunes Bio

DOB: N/A
Height: 4'1"
Weight: 33 lbs
Shirt: Unknown
Partner: Dottie Voo-Crugg
Fecal Status: On-deck
Other: Enjoys parading around small repica's of skyscrapers, once ate seventeen (17) water buffalo over the course of one (1) hour










"As one reign comes to an end, another begins-" stated Rainbow upon self-proclaiming the Presidency, "And with my reign, change shall finally arrive at The Jerk."

Please join us for cake and coffee in the 41st floor West Gymnasium at 8 pm.

- Staff Correspondent Wilmont Crugg

Derner Eaten, Hu Reinstated

Hu Returns!

Miles Derner (Deceased) was found eaten by a mule yesterday evening. As such, he has been named Staff Deceased President.

Derner (Eaten)

Taking his place will be former and new President Hu, who vows to "make changes" around here after the failure of the Derner regime (Brontosaurus).

Hu

"I'm back, and I'm making changes. First one: my diaper. All Hail President Hu!" - Hu

Please welcome President Hu at his viewing in the 1144th floor west end gymnasium, where he will be shooting layups until 6 PM EST.

- Staff Contributor Bob

Hu Released, Takes Over Hey Jerk Presidency

Hu has been released from his incarceration at HJ Prison, where he had been held for the previous 13 months after being found guilty of Hippo genocide.

Hu

Hu, seen here immediately following his release, was later seen  "lightly jogging" to the San Diego Zoo. His whereabouts are unknown, but it is believe he may have taken up camp in the Hippo enclave. Coded messages have been received every hour on the hour since his release, the latest of which was deciphered as:

"All Hail Hu. Hu is King."

Please join us in welcoming President Hu back (the 14th floor urinal is now off limits until further notice).

- Staff Hippo Aguy Wunce

**Breaking** Hu Escapes

Former Staff President John Hu, of the Idaho Hu Crime Family, has escaped from HJP.

Hu (On The Run)

No details are available at this time.

Do not attempt to approach Dr. Hu, as he is believed to be armed with multiple deadly weapons and a Koala, Herman (rumored).

- Staff Assistant Moron Pebal Fockwithe

President Hu Returns

President Hu, last seen traversing the Pacific Ocean in an attempt to increase drunken walrus awareness, has returned to HQ and will take over as Staff President, effective immediately. Thus ends the era of Sylvan Snugg, who did nothing and was thoroughly disliked.

Snugg was found in his cubicle on the C-wing of floor 144 this morning.

Snugg (Dead)

President Hu

Expect Hu's first order of business to be urinal removal on floor 26.

- Staff Moron Bob Feathers

Hu: "I'm Back"

Hu "Angry"

President Hu is enraged.

Hu

                                                                               
     



















While it is not known why Hu is enraged, it is believed that Fetus Claymore may have a cashew from his hidden peanut stache deep inside HQ dungeons. Immediately after this photo was shot, Hu started streaking around the 86th floor nude, bowling over and killing lil' Fred and Al Johnson in the process. Hu then jumped out of a closed window and flew to Capolo Peak to sing "a love song" to himself. Traces of Hu-fecal were left scattered all over HQ.

Vigils will not be held for the deceased.

- Staff Hu Man Walt Hu