Rare drawing of Denton Durly found

[Photo courtesy of Durly Family Archives]

Buckley wins mayor's race

It was an historic Friday morning as Trevontae-Qwom "Buck" Buckley was declared the winner of the Hey Jerk mayor's race.

Buckley, who was born on the planet Werz-14 and with two noses and one ankle-foot, making him a "sub-Durly" according to the Queh Dictionary, defeated the incumbent, Sh'Hensen Pepano by more than 18,000 votes.

Hey Jerk 2013 Mayor Race

Winner - Buckley, Trevontae-Qwom  18,557 votes
Runner-up - Sh'Hensen Pepano     493
3rd - Little Timmy Tapinsky  340
4th - Zoff  76
5th - Ernie Crugg Jr.  58
6th - Nadine Crugg   57

Write-in votes

The ghost of Herman Puckett - 9
Beckman Goolie  - 7
C. Vanderells Bwon -  4
Mordecai Three-Finger Brown  - 3
Capolo Henderson  - 1
Wayne Tolleson's 1988 Topps baseball card - 1

New cast list announced

The cast has been chosen for the upcoming Lyle Cheechern play "Pass The Salt: A Love Story":


Perry Rabbdoff as salt shaker
Ozzo-7 as the grains of salt of hope
Sasha Durly as herself
Peebop Stensen as rearview mirror/rearview mirror alter ego Paul Paulfield
Apple core as itself
Roscoe Nenna as Mel from Jersey
Pepper shaker as Judge Maxwell
Murray and Katherine Reynolds as lucky couple #6
Doc "Ear Pull" Salazar as himself
Hee-ho Shunk as telephone polls 6-through-14
Byron Zorma as the OPEN DOOR elevator button
Natalie Xomcheese as Pepano Vodka spokesgirl Paula Vantz
Kernop-9 as the evil grains of salt of sadness
Edwin San-Michael as Professor Abner Sanchules

and introducing....

Minuscule Marty as Carlton Salt


In theaters November 15!

Litner hired

After decades as one of the country's leading horse photograph whisperers, Leonard Litner has finally been hired at the Jerk, pending a standard Friday evening knee cap tasting.

Litner is expected to take over the staff position of hockey puck massager, which was recently vacated by the disposal of Ronaldo Beefman and his family of turnips.
 
Litner, 56 in snowman years, is the ninth member of his family to be hired at the site, joining Rudolph Litner (employed from 1977-1981), J'Meekhwa Litner (1979-1985), Stubby Chin Litner (1979-1990), Leonard Litner Sr. & Applesauce (1987-1988), Grassclump Litner Jr. (May, 1992-June, 1992), DJ Vel'Kwan-Shouse (1992-2013), Scotchtape Litner (1997-1999) and Ernie Poppadapolis (2000-2003).

CEO Benjamin Gibbons also announced the firing of Denarius Durly and Tatiana Merced as staff hoagie rolls.

Service For Hire

Hey Jerk Industries, Affiliates, and Conglomerations would like to announce a new business venture. The HJ staff has entered the "Ainting" arena.

HJ Team Van

List of services provided by HJ Ainting Staff:

- Bulldog removal
- Pecans
- Castration
- Notary Services
- Mail Delivery
- Szechuan style cuisine
- Murder
- Durly related inquiries
- Ainting
- Pie toss
- Toe
- Vegetable Steaming
- Murder

Please call our pleasant and hygienic staff at 800-KILLDURLY.

It is our ever-going honor to serve you!

- Staff Mule Donkey Face Nelson