Buckley wins mayor's race

It was an historic Friday morning as Trevontae-Qwom "Buck" Buckley was declared the winner of the Hey Jerk mayor's race.

Buckley, who was born on the planet Werz-14 and with two noses and one ankle-foot, making him a "sub-Durly" according to the Queh Dictionary, defeated the incumbent, Sh'Hensen Pepano by more than 18,000 votes.

Hey Jerk 2013 Mayor Race

Winner - Buckley, Trevontae-Qwom  18,557 votes
Runner-up - Sh'Hensen Pepano     493
3rd - Little Timmy Tapinsky  340
4th - Zoff  76
5th - Ernie Crugg Jr.  58
6th - Nadine Crugg   57

Write-in votes

The ghost of Herman Puckett - 9
Beckman Goolie  - 7
C. Vanderells Bwon -  4
Mordecai Three-Finger Brown  - 3
Capolo Henderson  - 1
Wayne Tolleson's 1988 Topps baseball card - 1

Biggles Elected Mayor

FoFo Biggles, of the Montana Biggles clan, has been elected to come on board as Hey Jerk Mayor. He will rule from the crest of Elephant Rainbow Peak and promises to rule with a "plastic spork."

Biggles



Biggles has history, first as the dictator of the United Association of Rabid Horses (UARH), and later in life as Assistant Salsa Construction Officer at Stinky Joe's in rural San Juan, Puerto Rico.

While The Glenn will continue to rule Hey Jerk Planet as Dictator, his assistant, Barney Martin, has been put down.

Martin (Dead)



No explanation was given as to why Mr. Martin was removed from this Earth, but suspicions arose in recent weeks as to the location of several missing wallets around HQ.

Dr. FoFo will report directly into The Glenn, and will be responsible for all Wednesday Evening Toilet brawls from here on out.

- Chwong Ooo