More McCaffertys Dead; New Staff Tyrant Appointed, Vows Revenge

In breaking and shocking news, newly born Milliliter McCafferty has been found dead, along with his great, great uncle Don McCafferty, in a trashcan outside of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Initial reports indicate a possible murder-suicide scenario. Below are the last known photos of the men.

Milliliter McCafferty

Don McCafferty

This marks the fourth McCafferty death here at The Jerk in just under 3 weeks, something new Staff Tyrant Nedford Flumpton vows will not continue.

"Things are going to change around here under my rule. Change unlike anything that has been seen since the Ernger Sanchules reign of aught '10."

This is believed to be the last of the McCafferty's remaining alive. Several Qqumbans have scheduled a Staff Parade to celebrate. Time and date TBA.

More information on the McCafferty deaths to come. No funeral is scheduled.

In seperate news, Nedford Flumpton has taken over as Staff Tyrant, replacing the largely unsuccessful reign of Buck Crugg-Fonchonski, who has been retained as Staff Soft Boiled Egg.

- Staff Correspondent Shonsen Pepano, Jr.

Not Pictured - Tronzo Guomp