Chickenman Hired

In a stunning turn of events, The Jerk has recently begun hiring mutants. A steady reader may say "but what about all those other hires... aren't they mutants too?" The answer? "No. Don't be an idiot."

The Jerk's inaugural mutant hire comes in the form of Chorlin Chickenman. While his duties have not been completely defined yet, he will be in charge of individual staff wake up calls. The culmination of his interview was when he stripped naked and darted through the halls of The Jerk headquarters yelling "Cock-a-doodle-doooooooooo!" leaving mottled feathers in his wake.

While Chorlin is not yet a father, he has been sitting on the same hard-boiled egg (no relation to Rodney the soft-boiled egg) for 4 years in hopes of bringing forth a Chorlin, Jr. And we just know he'll be successful! We don't have the heart to tell him otherwise...

Next time you're visiting The Jerk headquarters, stop by Chorlin's roost and welcome him to the family. Be prepared to be challenged to a game of NES Duckhunt though - he's the champion in Singapore.

Burt and his Feet

Burt finally regreted his flagrant use of the term "my feet are killing me."

The Bowels of the Earth: Acting Up

Gary Grape's Day at the Beach

Hanging

The whole town attended the hanging-by-swiss-cheese of Groover Bumbeeto.

The Repercussions of Your Actions

"That's it! I'm going on a diet!" yelled Molly. She had no idea her simple decision would have such far-reaching consequences.

Rocky vs. Marsupial

Mr. Balboa had no idea he was about to face his toughest opponent yet.

Wish I'd gotten a dog...

Baywatch in Snakes

Walter the Walrus

Later that day, Walter decided it was finally time to visit the eye doctor.

Grinold Goes Poo

Grinold backed away from his car and found the perfect, secluded spot to pop a squat.

When Bad Things Happen to Good Bananas

Weekend at Bernies in Hippos

On the Promiscuity of Olives

"Listen, boys," said Olivia Olive, "I don't care which one of you does it but I know what I want and I want it now."

Pinto, Pete and Peeril Pimento were shocked at their good fortune.

Incidentally, we now know where "Dirty Martinis" got their name.

Buffalo Chicken Finger Wars

The Beeronians were willing to go to any lengths to defeat the Buffalo Chicken Fingertians - even self-sacrifice.

Archibald the Armadillo

A day at the office for Archibald the Armadillo, an Accountant at Arslinger Ant Annihilators. He's good with numbers.

The Great Debate

What's worse? Eye boogers or nose boogers? Scientists and laymen have debated for centuries - the discussion continues on The Jerk.

Consider:

- Eye boogers eff with your sight. Unacceptable.

- Nose boogers sometimes make it hard to breathe. But only sometimes.

- Eye boogers come in only two consistencies: crusty or squishy. Nose boogers - the sky's the limit.

- Nose boogers = embarrassment. Eye boogers = floaty things in your vision. Which is more problematic?

- Dogs get eye boogers but rarely nose boogers.

- You can't suction out eye boogers.

Please discuss.