April 13, 2010
Massacre at Headquarters
Sad news as six staff members and a passing vagrant were assassinated in front of the Hey Jerk headquarters building, late Monday.
The following perished and were denied burial/funeral under the state's No Avocado Law:
* Staff dentist, Jerry Jerry
* Cereal man, Varook Didier
* Staff correspondent, Larry
* Staff gorilla, Ernger Sanchules
* Assistant hobo, Erk Verner
* Hippo man, Squib Cotillion
No word yet on how the six were killed, though an investigation is expected to begin sometime before the Qwumbian New Year (May, 2015).
Non-employee killed: Gary Bannister
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