The Hey Jerk Bison tennis team, which is coming off consecutive clay-eating contest championships, has signed to the team amateur singles champion Ben Moron. It's the second free agent signing in the past week for the Bison, who Monday inked one-armed Janet Jolsen to a 5-year deal.
"Finally, we have a moron," said tennis coach Horace Sponks. "This team, and this site, has been full of jerks for years, now we have a moron to balance things out. Plus, the kid can eat sandpaper like no one I've ever seen. He'll come in handy in September."
Moron, part-cocker spaniel, will live in the woods for a three-week period, as is G.M.T.A. (Glenn Minkus Tennis Association) rules.