**BREAKING** - Bellafunkus Members Missing/Deceased

Oslo, Norway - Breaking news this morning has revealed the death of Little Corbett Bellafunkus, and the disappearance of Ainsworth-Apple Bellafunkus. 

The incidents are not believed to be related.

Bellafunkus

Didier Bellafunkus, band spokesperson and mule captain, released the following statement:

" While Bellafunkus always aimed to please the masses and provide wholesome, family type music for all to enjoy - we also despised Little Corbett and decided to kill him. As far as Ainsworth-Apple - no one cares."

Local Oslo police have been apprised of the situation, and all inquiries or tips should be directed at Oslo Police Commissioner Nabozz Scalapini at nscallops47@gmail.com.

- Staff Idiot Oscar Rainbow

Bellafunkus reunites for worldwide tour

After not putting together an album or touring for more than seven years, Bellafunkus has reunited and announced a spring, 2015 world tour.

The brother trio, which won two Durlys in the 1990s (Best Old Album, Lifetime of Cheese & Mints), will also be releasing a new full-length album, due out in late-2015.

Didier
Vocals, lead spaghetti guitar, rhythm pushing/shoving/shouting

Little Corbett
Bass made of potato skins/centipede tears, lead pushing/shoving

Ainsworth-Apple
Staplers, lead shouting


2015 Tour

May 5 - Jobeek Alomar Fairgounds
May 10 - Crugg-Ossining College
May 19 - over there by those rain puddles
June 4 - Kerwin College
June 9 - Murton Shouse Amphitheater
June 20 - Yorlap Bar & Grill & Worm Trade Post
June 28 - near Darren's house somewhere
July 4 - Eddie Aquayo Memorial Amphitheater (opening for Jay'Shawn)
July 17 - Cronin Playhouse
July 20 - The Rigatoni Palace


- Correspondent Izzy Durly contributed to this story