Rainbow Fired

Staff editor Oscar Rainbow was fired Monday evening in an attempt by the Jerk to distance itself from the accused foot odor killer. Rainbow has had a checkered past, which includes countless slayings, two trips to O'Shoogie insane asylum and a heated argument with a ladder that resulted in the abduction of Flip Derner (Kleppitch Times, May 19, 2010).

Staff dictator Emmitt McKenna said the firing was "permanent" and that all of Rainbow's socks were confiscated and burned. No plans have been made to hire a replacement.

DeLatardo Let Go

Hey Jerk has announced the firing of Ralph "Once A Day" DeLatardo. The 43-year old was seen in the woods behind Jerk headquarters shouting obscenities at a tree branch Sunday evening and editor Capolo made the announcement shortly after.

"We've all had enough of DeLatardo and his antics. He spends most of his time in the woods and the guy refuses to wipe his coolie," Capolo said.

After the firing, DeLatardo removed his dungarees and ran into wheelbarrow traffic.