Maglio passes; Lump committe formed

A true hero in every sense of the word (in) passed away earlier today. Joseeph "Joey" Maglioso died of pen cap overdose in his home in the Northwest corner of the basement inside Hanley Clemente's home.

Maglioso, who went by "Joe Maglio" for years while traveling with the Wentworth Family Circus & Ripped Notebook Paper Sympathizers, was beloved by millions and perhaps even hundreds. Maglio, 61.7 at the time of his departure, left four drawings of roast beef sandwiches on graph paper.

Lump committee formed

The Committee That Knows What Happened to Warren Lump (R.W.C.) has formed in response to Maglioso's death. The committee will now meet each Thursday to discuss Warren Lump-related matters, including:

1. Where is Warren Lump?
2. Lump's best friend, raisin
3. The Lumps tribute song - Baked Maglio
4. Warren Lump Pastries LLC

The committee:

Chairman: Fofo Foffawitz
CEO: Fofo Foffawitz-Calhoun Jr.
Secretary: Eddie Pock Sr.
VP: Yasmine Pennypoo
Associate VP: Perry Woddles
Banana Curator: Paul Wiggums
Notes: Igloo Sherman
Catering: Darren Durly
IT Support: Guido Castellana
Private Investigations: Lyle Zump

Chief of Urinal Fire Incidents: O-ho Oh

- Dominic Domdimmoggio contributed to this story

BREAKING: Maglio Missing

Joseph Wegland Maglio, frequent contributer at a rival blog and well-known planet enthusiast, was seen waving to a group of fans this morning and is now "missing."

Maglio (Missing)



Maglio was believed to have been content in recent years, despite his long history of drug, alcohol and walrus abuse. He seemed to have found comfort in his family farm and had frequently been seen riding the donkeys in the pasture. Days before his disappearance, however, Maglio was believed to have had a relapse on cocaine and barbiturates, as he was seen nude roaming through the streets of Brooklyn.

The Jerk will have continuous updates on the situation, as we all hope and pray Maglio can be brought home safely.

- Staff Maglio man Warren Lump