Hey Jerk Recipes

*Forehead & Sideburns Soup

- 8 ounces of Barry (or Harry) forehead skin
- 2 onions
- 1 stalk of celery (green)
- 4 Samanthas
- Between 55-60 sideburns
- 2 cups infant saliva
- 32 can chicken broth
- 1 can possum tails
- 6 paper clips

First, set forehead skin and sideburns aside. Next, chop onions and celery into small pieces and place in separate bowl. Bake Samanthas at 400 degrees for 15 minutes, then in a sauce pan boil saliva with possum tails. Place all ingredients in broth, boil for 45 minutes. When simmering, add forehead skin, sideburns and paper clips. Serve in Brandon Larson's toupee.


* Old Penlow family recipe

HEY JERK RECIPE OF THE WEEK

"Jerk" Cheeseburger
Submitted by Earl Franklin, DDS

Ingredients:

1 (one) slice cheese (Gruyere)
1 (one) lb ground chuck (70% fat)
7 (seven) Berts
14 (fourteen) large onions
1 (one) chestnut
2 (two) vats Old Bay seasoning
1 (one) bun

Using your hands, place ground chuck into a bowl and massage until soft. On side, crack Berts into small pieces. Slice 14 large onions. Add cracked Berts, 14 large sliced onions, whole chestnut, and two vats Old Bay to bowl. Combine to form burger patty. Place patty on barbecue over medium-high heat and cook until completely black. Add Gruyere cheese, place on bun. Enjoy.

Makes one serving.

**Note - always remember to leave barbecue lit for the next day's meal of choice. "A cold barbecue is a useless barbecue." - Jerry Fimmons

HEY JERK RECIPE OF THE WEEK

Thumb Salad
submitted by Ernie Baker Jr.


- 5 (five) eyelashes
- 2 (two) heads ice burg lettuce
- 1 (one) carrot (orange)
- 40 (forty) thumbs, no nails
- 3 (three) Carls
- 5 (five) cups of child sneezes
- 1 (one) can raccoon paste
- 2 (three) teaspoons margarine
- 4 (four) sheets notebook paper


Start with a large salad bowl. Chop heads of lettuce, slice carrot and put into bowl. Thinly slice thumbs into quarter-inch pieces and add notebook paper, as is, to bowl. Bake Carls in oven at 375 degrees for 10 minutes and in a separate sauce pan, boil raccoon paste and child sneezes. Once Carls are brown on the inside, add a teaspoon of margarine to each belly button. Finally, garnish salad with eyelashes and enjoy.

HEY JERK RECIPE OF THE WEEK

Rhino Stew
submitted by young Tessa O'Shong

Prerequisite - Drive to South Africa, find a Rhino. VERY IMPORTANT.

- 1 (one) dead rhino, skinned, de-gutted
- 2 (two) large white onions
- 7 (seven) live pig's feet
- 4 (four) Garys
- 1 (one) clove garlic
- 1 (one) tablespoon vegetable oil
- 400 (four hundred) Idaho potatoes
- 1 (one) can diced hippo meet
- 12 (twelve) cans rhino broth

Finely chop garlic and onions. Bring vegetable oil to a simmer in a large saucepan. Add garlic and cook until browned. Add diced onions, simmer for 14 minutes. Carefully slice Garys, live pig's feet, dead rhino, and Idaho potatoes. Add 12 cans rhino broth, bring to a boil. Add Garys, live pig's feet, dead rhino, and Idaho potatoes to stew. Cook 4 hours, 11 minutes on medium heat, stirring once at 43 minutes and once at 4 hours, 9 minutes. Add diced hippo meet and cook additional 3 minutes. Take off heat, let stand 6 days. Serve and enjoy.

Makes 1 serving.