Dr. Michael Kay Offed

Staff Doctor Michael W. Kay has been offed, according to a Louise with a nose in the investigation.

Michael Kay (DEAD)

Dr. Kay was well known around HQ for his love of mountain lions and his efficiency at peeing into a small hole he carved in his 47th floor east desk.

Butthole Simon is being held without bond for the murder of Dr. Kay. All that is known publicly is that a Horace was involved.

Rico Fletcher will take over as Staff Doctor.

- Staff Correspondent DooDee DooDoo