As per the rule book, Oscar Rainbow has released his 2015 Yearly Yankee Milestones. In accordance with tradition, we will separate the milestones into a "Positive" and "Negative" category. Let's begin!
"Positive"
Yankees break 90 wins - Rainbow performs the "Nude Truffle Shuffle" at Rainbow Amphitheater
Yankees break 95 wins - Rainbow takes his shotgun "out of storage," assassinates his Mule, Maurice, as sacrifice
Yankees break 100 wins - Rainbow runs for, and is elected, President of the United States
Yankees break 110 wins - Rainbow flies to Cuba, jumps out of plane nude, perishes upon landing
Steven Drew hits over .250 - Rainbow bombs Egypt
"Negative"
Yankees lose 80 games - Rainbow runs screaming into a brick wall, falls into coma for just north of a week
Yankees lose 90 games - Rainbow attempts to hang himself, only to fail and be found 4 weeks later hungry and covered in his own fecal
Yankees lose 100 games - Rainbow covers himself in "C4" explosives, takes out Phillips Arena
Yankees lose 110 games - Rainbow boards Xomcheese Space Ship Q9, flies to the moon, takes his own life
Staff Correspondent Warren Fu
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