Basketball coaching candidate: Pablo Yaz

Pablo Yaz

pabloyazok@yahoo.com

Basketball coach, goldfish psychiatrist

Coaching experience

1979-1986
Assistant coach, New York Knickerbockers. Helped Gerald Wilkins develop his now-patented "Peanutbutter Pullup Jumper"; married to center Bill Cartwright (November, 1985-May, 1986)

1989-1999
Head coach, California-Irvine B-team. Defeated Cal-Irvine varsity team in a scrimmage in October, 1992, thanks to my own lay up, "in traffic" with six seconds to play.

* Resigned as head coach in May, 1999 after photographs surfaced on the internet of my bare-chest covered in various deli meats.

2001
Head coach at Illinois-Wesleyan. I found a cracker that contained the face of our lord and savior and never coached a single game or practice.

2001-2012
With Jesus.

* Briefly imprisoned in 2004 for dog ear theft.

2013
Head coach, Lunce Valley Skydolphins of the Bog Piso Basketball League (B.P.B.L.). Team went 20-11 and lost in the semifinals of the Kerwin Daniels Conference Tournament.

Competitive eating 

1988: finished seventh at paper clip Northeast Regionals
1993: finished fourth at Sawdust Nationals
2000: finished 19th at notebook paper Mid-Atlantic Regionals