Rodney "Fat Neck" Glenn, citing economical and bowel moving strains, has resigned as Staff President, effective immediately. In naming a successor, he said he could not have chosen a better fit than Beafort "Beau" Festerfly Jr.
Festerfly
Festerfly's first announcement was to name Fat Neck Glenn as his Chief of Staff.
"Rodney has done wonders for The Jerk, taking it from the slums of Idaho to the top of Mount Rushmore. Under his reign, The Jerk became and international superpower and quite possibly the strongest military force on the planet. It is an honor to follow in his Glenn steps and to name him my Chief of Staff."
Under Festerfly, it is expected that The United States of Jerk (USJ) will attempt to become more fiscally responsible, cutting out all unnecessary expenses such as ritual mule killings and poop-for-hire classified ads.
Festerfly also immediately assassinated longtime editor Oscar Rainbow, marking the end of his terror-filled reign.
Rainbow (DEAD)
Rainbow is still expected to correspondent on a regular basis.
All Hair President Festerfly!
- Beau Festerfly Jr.
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