Merwood Dorris Born

Longtime consultant and local idiot Derwood Morris has conceived a child, according to Dr. Phillip Xomcheese. While it is not known who the mother is, Morris released the following statement through his publicist, Professor Ernie Ploop.

"I'd like to announce the birth of my first son, Merwood Dorris, to the residents of planet Earth. Merwood was born full grown, and is expected to demand world domination and eventually kill off every living being on this planet. Godspeed."

Merwood Dorris

Mr. Morris said that the reasoning behind changing his sons last name to Dorris is "unknown" but that immediately after releasing the message above, Dorris ran into the woods on all four appendages and lifted his leg on an oak tree, which immediately disintegrated. He has not been seen since, but is believed to be building an underground fortress somewhere in the Idaho area.

Derwood Morris has been placed under authority supervision effective immediately for fear of his death.

More to come.

- Staff Merwood Dorris Man Felipe Fong