Did you have a 44.6 inside a bar restroom and you've cleared the entire next day for reflection? Here's a handy guide to get you through the festivities:
1. Look in the mirror and ask "which direction is my life headed?"
2. Phone call to your mother to tell her about the past 24 hours and that your life is spiraling out of control.
3. Read the best-selling book Spiraling Out Of Control by Terry Torkelson.
4. Begin your search for Jesus.
5. Find Jesus.
6. Put a moist towel on your forehead. Name the towel "Jesus".
7. Spend two minutes inside the mouth of a hippopotamus.
8. Move to Cincinnati, Ohio.
9. Marry a toaster oven.
10. Eat some gravel.
11. Remove all carpet from your home.
12. Shave off all of your hair.
13. Go to the roof of the nearest pet store and rub parmesan cheese on your head.
14. Find a man named Bernie and declare your love for him and/or his pet goldfish.
15. Bowl with a head of lettuce.
16. Reevaluate your life choices.
17. Spray paint HOT DOGS RULE on a highway overpass.
18. Take a nap inside a washing machine.
19. Change your name to Doug McGintley.
20. Fall asleep underneath your couch.
Source: The Capolo Group
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