"Thousands are relieved to finally begin the Darren Durly Era. It's truly a great day for all of us. I may go bathe in that kiddie pool of mayonnaise."
- Beatrice (January, 1983)
After decades of persecution, the potato chip people finally have a representative at Hey Jerk headquarters as Dr. Darren Durly has been hired. Durly, who on two separate occasions in 1998 and 2007 nearly ate himself, will supervise all Darrens and also be in charge of napkin hoarding for the summer months.
Durly's assistant, Maurice, a pigeon that lives in the 8th floor men's restroom, declined comment.
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