The Larry Bird Alarm was set off this morning when young Herbert Winkler spotted Mr. Bird attempting to infiltrate the 72nd floor east restrooms. As Mr. Bird tried to pry open stall # 3, little Herb alerted authorities and rang the Bird Alarm, stunning all 1000+ employees of the Jerk and leading to an all out frenzy.
Bird
Deaths during the frenzy:
- Adande Sanchules
- Gorilla Rainbow
- Elephant Rainbow
- Lil' Herbert Winkler
- Chaz
- Pat Zinn
- Young Franz Hellbash
- Trevor the Rhino
HQ has been successfully evacuated. Please remain calm and await word on when you can return to your posts.
- Staff Emergency Man Q'Q'Shonga Fii
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