In a stunning move late Sunday evening, Hey Jerk promoted former staff correspondent Ed Xomcheese to staff editor. Xomcheese, who has written over 4,000 articles in his two months at the blog, joins mainstays Capolo, Oscar Rainbow and probationary editor Aunt Estelle atop the Jerk potato poll.
"This is a testament to anyone who has had their arms eaten off by a possum and was left for dead in a small creek full of expired apple sauce: you can be an editor at a blog AND marry a toaster oven. Life is full of possibilities," said Xomcheese.
The promotion will go in to affect as soon as Xomcheese passes a drug test. Several members of the Jerk staff have been fired/disposed of for testing positive for performance-enhancing crayons, and Staff Luminary Brooble Fonchonski said in a statement he wanted to avoid another public embarrassment.
"Get the hell out of my office!" Fonchonski said from the second floor broom closet.
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